It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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