whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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