So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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