Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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