I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
