i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
