You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
