I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
