its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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