That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
My first STD was from a foam party
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
