i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
