Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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