better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
