That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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