After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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