I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
