Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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