Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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