I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
