Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
