everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
