Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
