jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
