I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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