Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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