just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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