Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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