There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
