meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
