Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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