Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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