Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize