STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
