obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
