it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
