We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
