It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
