Soap is not a condiment
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize