I smell stomach acid.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
