I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize