I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
