I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
