Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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