Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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