Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
