Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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