I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
