Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
