The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
