I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
