I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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