I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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