grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
