Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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