SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
