he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize