im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
