where am i from again
my shit smells like andre
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I want her autograph on my taint
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
