I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
