It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
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