even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
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