I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
