i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
