Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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