I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
