I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize