i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
