Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
