Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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