just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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