Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's great music for shaving your balls
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
