I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
