mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
