somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
